you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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