Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
