I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
