i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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