Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
