i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
