youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
