I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
