lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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