a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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