I hope mine doesn't look like that
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
