I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
