Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
