so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
