just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
