That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
