Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
