thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
