Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
