there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
