im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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