you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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