I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
