I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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