For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
