She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
