Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
do nipples grow back?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
