My first STD was from a foam party
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
