One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
birth control should be required to get into college
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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