a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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