Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
