I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I want is dick and wine.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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