i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
