I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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