im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
