New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
