I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
