I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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