Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
