i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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