i just had sex bonerless
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
