I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
