the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
