I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
