I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
