so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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