I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
