If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
