dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love you. Go after that dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
