Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
