1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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